20 Signatures To Spice Up Your Emails

20 Signatures To Spice Up Your Emails
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Give your email that extra oomph it needs

During the pandemic millions of people have had to adjust to their jobs, schooling, childcare, and anything else that would regularly happen face-to-face being conducted pretty much entirely virtually. After over a year of living life under lockdowns, it’s to be expected that we’d all be feeling a little technology burnout. So to help reinvigorate your day-to-day, here are some alternative email sign-offs and signatures you might want to consider.

Stoically while staring out at the sea,

See you in Hell,

Baby bye bye bye (bye bye bye),


Stay fresh, cheese bags,

Await the signal,

Take care or else,


Softly and tenderly like Julie Andrews holding a baby bird,

Stuck inside a computer beep boop beep boop,

Hail Cthulhu,


Watch the skies, traveller,

Please be nice I’m sensitive,

Still deeply confused by Tenet but too afraid to ask at this point,

Sent from my iPhone OR WAS IT,

And if you don’t know, now you know,

Naked and afraid,

New York Times #1 Bestselling Author,

Respond at your convenience but know I will be panicking until you do,

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An Open Letter To My Dog Who Won’t Stop Licking Himself

An Open Letter To My Dog Who Won’t Stop Licking Himself
Original photo by Sloane Hughes

You’re a good boy but enough is enough

Dear Remy,

Let me start by saying that I love you, and it’s important you know this doesn’t change that. That being said, this has gone on for long enough and it’s time I addressed it. You gotta stop licking your dick and balls all the time, buddy.

I think we can agree that for the most part the last year of me working from home has gone pretty smoothly, and I’m grateful! I am! Spending all day everyday together for over a year is a lot, and it’s not like you can just open the door and take yourself for a walk to get some space. (You don’t have thumbs to open the door, as you are aware). I’m not unsympathetic, but things simply have to change.

Remy, my sweet angel, light of my life, there is no way you need to lick your ween that vigorously, for that long. I understand personal hygiene, but this is beyond. Do you know how many times per day I lose track of what I’m writing or have to reread entire emails because all I can focus on is the sound of you going to town on yourself? Did you know that the CIA and the Soviets made their captives listen to the same sounds over and over and over as a form of torture?

You’re waging psychological warfare on me, Remy. So predictably every single day and yet the sound of you licking your dick and balls is something I will never get used to. Like a horrible grandfather clock.

Shlorp shlorp shlorp shlorp

How does it sound both that wet and that loud? Do you have an amplifier down there? Are you slobbering into a microphone? Have you figured out exactly where to lie to best use the acoustics of the apartment? And that’s another thing, I know we don’t have a ton of space, but there is absolutely no reason for you to do this directly under my desk. Right next to where I work. Sometimes while lying on my feet.

Get a room, for god’s sake.

If I didn’t interrupt with a “hey!” or a “shhht!” every few minutes I don’t know when you’d stop, and I don’t think you do either. You’re clean, Remy. You’re clean. If I let you lick your penis for as long as you wanted to lick your penis, you wouldn’t have a penis left. You would polish it right off.

Do you want that? Do you want to lick your penis into nonexistence? I doubt it, considering how fond you obviously are.

Please, Remy, for both of our sakes, mostly the sake of my sanity but for BOTH of our sakes, before you lick yourself, first ask:

  • Did I just lick myself five minutes ago?
  • Do I really need to lick myself?
  • Could I spend this time doing something else like perhaps cleaning up my toys?
  • Is there a cat or a bird outside that I could stare at instead?

If you want to lick just your balls for a while though, fine. I will allow that. But only because they’re not going to be around for much longer, which is a talk for another day.

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We got to watch DRUNK BUS: the coming-of-age comedy that would’ve premiered at SXSW (TRAILER/EXCLUSIVE CLIP)

We got to watch DRUNK BUS: the coming-of-age comedy that would’ve premiered at SXSW (TRAILER/EXCLUSIVE CLIP)

This super funny indie comedy is a drunk look at life after college

UPDATE: Drunk Bus now officially has a distribution partner (FilmRise), a release date (May 21st), and this awesome trailer:

Due to COVID-19, South By Southwest, along with many other festivals across the world, was not able to hold its in-person festival this year, and while some of its shorts and features opted for temporary virtual homes, many of these gems are still yet-to-be-released to wider distribution.

DRUNK BUS, the debut feature comedy from frequent Funny Or Die collaborators and contributors Ghost & Cow (Brandon LaGanke and John Carlucci), is one of those gems. Written by Chris Molinaro, It stars Charlie Tahan (Ozark) and New York comedy keystone Dave Hill, with an amazing cameo from a former Saturday Night Live cast member (I won’t ruin the surprise, sorry). It’s a hilarious and heartfelt look at the paralyzing post-college years of Michael (Tahan), who is stuck driving the Kent Institute of Technology late night campus shuttle for drunk college kids. His ex-girlfriend moved to New York, and he… didn’t.

We got to watch DRUNK BUS: the coming-of-age comedy that would’ve premiered at SXSW (TRAILER/EXCLUSIVE CLIP)

After this surprisingly somewhat-dangerous gig lands him a black eye, he befriends his new security detail, Pineapple (Pineapple Tangaroa as himself). The unlikely friendship of two polar opposites (believe it or not, this shy scrawny white virgin hasn’t led the same life as this giant samoan with tattoos all over his face) serves as the backbone of this part buddy comedy, part road movie, part coming-of-age tale. It’s full of great bits, and the perfect hit of that nostalgic sense of post-college adventure from when the whole world is in front of you, and every night is somehow simultaneously different and the same.

In addition to the great comedic set pieces that come with an ever-changing population of drunk college kids on a bus, this movie nails the types of characters we somehow all met in college, and never met before nor since then. Did we imagine them? Pineapple seems to fearlessly march to the beat of his own drum, as if the weirdest kid in the room is also the adult in the room. Devo Ted is the weed dealer obsessed with Devo who makes you stay for bagel bites and has a room full of dynamite in his apartment (the weed dealer on my college campus had a sword collection and a DIY mini moat that ran throughout his apartment). Fred (first introduced in voice only – a voice you will certainly recognize) is Michaels cringey boss who Michael will undoubtedly become if he doesn’t get his shit together.

We got to watch DRUNK BUS: the coming-of-age comedy that would’ve premiered at SXSW (TRAILER/EXCLUSIVE CLIP)

And then there’s the supporting cast of ridiculous college kids and locals that really give this story its rich depth and authenticity – you get the sense that when they first started writing this, there was a very different (lame) version of this movie that they could have made – they picked the right direction at the fork in the road and floored it. Fantastic performances from the supporting cast of Pineapple Tangaroa, Kara Hayward, Zach Cherry, Tonatiuh Elizarraraz, Sarah Mezzanotte, and a cameo from Frank Iero (yes, that Frank Iero, of My Chemical Romance) round out the world to stick the landing of this sharp vision from LaGanke and Carlucci.

This movie is a fun party we’ll all hopefully be invited to soon. In the meantime, check out this clip!

More info about DRUNK BUS can be found at them on social media at @drunkbusmovie

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Your Favorite Comedians Are Teaming Up with Feeing America To Raise Money For Families Impacted By COVID-19

Your Favorite Comedians Are Teaming Up with Feeing America To Raise Money For Families Impacted By COVID-19

Starvation isn’t humorous.

But we will need laughter – primarily through these not-so-funny periods.

That’s why Amusing Or Die and Allen Media Team are teaming up to develop the Feeding The us Comedy Pageant – a reside-streamed comedy celebration benefiting Feeding The us and aiding family members across the country who are financially impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic.

This two hour comedy will air on both NBC and The Temperature Channel Sunday, May possibly 10 from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. ET. The celebrity roster for this event is Huge – and guess what!? Even much more comedians are expected to announce their participation as the event will get nearer!!

“There’s nothing at all far more essential right now than accomplishing almost everything we can to make absolutely sure everybody influenced by this pandemic is capable to feed on their own and their family members,” claimed Doug Vaughan, Executive Vice President, Particular Systems, NBC Amusement. “We’re honored to be partnering with Feeding The us and the incredible perform they’re performing to make certain there is food items on everyone’s desk.”

You can assume to see pre-recorded segments from extraordinary comedians including Byron Allen, Louie Anderson, Judd Apatow, Jack Black, Wayne Brady, Adam Carolla, Cedric the Entertainer, Margaret Cho, Andrew Dice Clay, Deon Cole, Billy Crystal, Whitney Cummings, Tommy Davidson, Invoice Engvall, Mike Epps, Billy Gardell, Brad Garrett, Whoopi Goldberg, Tiffany Haddish, Kevin Hart, Taraji P. Henson, Kevin James, Jim Jefferies, Jamie Kennedy, Keegan-Michael Vital, George Lopez, Jon Lovitz, Howie Mandel, Sebastian Maniscalco, Tim Meadows, Eddie Murphy, Caroline Rhea, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman, JB Smoove, Kenan Thompson, Sheryl Underwood and Marlon Wayans (and once more – Additional Celebrities TO BE Declared!!)

Anyone (and absolutely everyone) tuning in to this are living-streaming comedy occasion will be encouraged to donate on the Feeding The usa web page.

You can also donate just before the event:

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‘Lady Time’ Will Make You Laugh In The Face Of Death & Adultery

‘Lady Time’ Will Make You Laugh In The Face Of Death & Adultery

Death isn’t funny, but these ladies’ reaction to it? Hysterical.

Lady Time is a five-episode series about four women who somehow put the FUN in FUNeral and find friendship in the face of grieving their husbands’ tragic death and intense infidelity.

What makes the Lady Time ladies friendship so funny to watch is that Kathy, Megan, Heather and Eleanor literally have nothing in common (except that their late husbands completely suck). What makes their friendship so special is that, because they’re so different from each other, they’re able to help each other navigate their grief adjust to their new husbandless life. They ladies literally complete each other.

Ready to laugh in the face of death and adultery with these ladies? Then sit back and keep scrolling – because we have every episode below!

It Starts With A Crash (Lady Time Episode #1)

When four jerks explode in a plane crash, their wives decide to honor them with a group memorial.

But this particular group of ladies get along about as well as Israel and Palestine, and agreeing on a venue seems all but impossible — until Eleanor proves that her mansion is the best location. But Eleanor’s one-upmanship ends up backfiring when her Lady Bird Johnson sitting room gets destroyed.

Gasp! Not the Lady Bird Johnson sitting room!

Fabergé Egg Club Does Not Go Egg-cellently (Lady Time Episode #2)

While Eleanor prepares to host Fabergé Egg Club, the other girls arrive on her doorstep — completely unhinged without husbands.

Oh sweet mother of jewelled eggs.

But instead of including them in her event, Eleanor insults them by telling them they wouldn’t fit in with her fancy friends, none of whom don’t own an island. (Could you imagine not owning an island? How embarrassing!) Feeling like they have nothing to live for, the Ladies decide to let themselves go.

In an attempt to expand their horizons, the Ladies attend at a painting-and-wine night…

Which never ends well.

But in the light of day, it turns out Heather has actually painted a masterpiece.

What’s up, drunk Picasso!

She quickly gets in over her head when Kid Rock’s art buyer commissions a lot more work.

Though their husbands haven’t been dead for that long, the Lady Time ladies are ready to date again!

And who can even blame them!? Their late husbands SUCKED – they were literally en route to actively (and excitedly) cheat on their wives when their plane crashed.

After a string of robberies in her neighborhood, Kathy realizes that this man-at-large may be the man of her dreams. The ladies agree it would be nice to have the man around the house and together, they make Eleanor’s mansion as easy to break into as possible in hopes Kathy’s criminal crush will break-and-enter into their home (and eventually, Kathy’s heart).

Hopefully the only thing this burglar steals is Kathy’s heart.

“Widow camp” is just like summer camp, except a lot sadder.

Since becoming widows, the Lady Time ladies have tried drinking their sorrows away new hobbies, gone on dates with soon-to-be charged felons, and (accidentally) droned each other’s ears off, but they haven’t really reflected on their husbands untimely passing.

In an effort to take sorrow by the reins, they attend a grief retreat led by a celebrity widow. Everyone is excited about the chance to heal except Megan, whose reluctance to participate leads her to a chilling conspiracy…

Didn’t get enough Lady Time? Well you’re in luck – before their husbands died, these ladies were fake friends! Check out the Lady Time prequel below:

There’s a reason women don’t fart.

The gals celebrate Halloween and Jason Vorhees stops by. New Lady Time next Tuesday! HAPPY GAL-OWEEN!

Heather shares her recipe for Pinot Cheesio, Kathy presents the girls with an exciting new business venture and the FBI stops by.

Megan shows off her lucky pregnancy earring and the girls vote on Kathy’s sperm donor options.

Megan passes out in the hot tub, but luckily Oswald the Rabbit comes to the rescue.

The gals head to the Salad Convention but run into some limo trouble. Luckily, a handsome stranger shows up to save the day!

Directed by: Rachel Lee Goldenberg

Written by: Juliet Seniff

Executive producers: Rachel Lee Goldenberg, Juliet Seniff

Executive producer: Becca Kinskey

Producer: Kate O’Brien


Kathy: Kirby Howell-Baptiste

Megan: Allyn Rachel

Heather: Juliet Seniff

Eleanor: Betsy Sodaro


George Dudley: Bryan Safi

Lucien Huddy-Starkes: Baron Vaughn

Paul: Rodney To

Patron 1: Cynthia Kao

Patron 2: Mano Agapion

First assistant director: Cassandra Laymon

Second assistant director: Chandra Alexander

Director of photography: Adam Silver

Production designer: Jessica Mahnke

Costume designer: Emily Heyman
Editor: Kegan Swyers

Camera operator: Mikey Jechort

First assistant camera: Jack Caswell, Geoff Goodloe, Jen Hook, Adam Marquez. Leonard Walsh

Second assistant camera: Elise Martin

Digital loader: Eric Davis

Chief lighting technician: David McGrory

Best boy electric: Matt Read, Brett Frager, Juan “Spike” Osorio

Key grip: Nate Brown

Best boy grip: Miao Chien

Prop master: Justine Smith

Leadman: Chris Santiago

On-set dresser: Dane Jensen

Costume supervisor: Mashal Khan

Costumer: Stephanie Farah, Markie Miller

Sound mixer: Ben Forman

Boom operator: Roger Kean

Make-up department head: Leigh Schwartz, Erin Blinn

Hair department head: Jen Osborne

Hair stylist: Brenna Haukedahl

Script supervisor: Josh Gannon, Tim Wrobel

Location manager: Spencer Coates

Extras casting: Central Casting

Catering: Full Moon Pickles

Head of security: Martin Reyes

Special Thanks: Matt Sweeney

Production office coordinator: Madeline Austin-Kulat

Production controller: Victoria Zamora

Production accountant: Stephanie Cornick

Production counsel: Mark Litwak, Elizabeth Zook

Post production supervisor: Eurie Chung

Post production coordinator: Kevin Kinskey

Assistant editor: Yaniv Elani

Sound designer: Xander Lott

Sound effects editor: Kendall Credi

Colorist: Luke Cahill

Visual effects artist: Ari Fararooy

Key set production assistant: Yanaina Gutierrez

Set production assistants: Paul Angelo, Reggie Henke, Pearce Lawrence, Austin Miller

Set interns: Stephany Ibrahim, Farial Khan. Sunita Williams

Camera interns: Canon Brownell, Mey Chan

Assistant to Rachel Lee Goldenberg: Anna McPeak

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Jack Black Has TikTok Now And Honestly, Thank God

Jack Black Has TikTok Now And Honestly, Thank God

Some of us are in week two of quarantine, some of us are in 7 days 3, but it is difficult to explain to in any scenario since it’s all blurring together. What day is it? Muesday, March 98th? That sounds about right. Not only do we all have to have some form of amusement to continue to keep our spirits up, we want it to continue to be sane.

So, on that note,

Jack Black created a TikTok account.

If there is just one point I didn’t know I required but I absolutely wanted all through this seriously bleak time in history, it is Jack Black dancing to pop music in cowboy boots and not substantially else. This does two factors: breathes lifestyle again into me, and also affirm that during all this chaos, Jack Black is nonetheless executing all right, and I am immensely grateful for both of those.

Enjoy, retweet, signal up for TikTok purely for Jack Black.

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John Krasinski Sharing Good News Is Exactly What We All Need

John Krasinski Sharing Good News Is Exactly What We All Need

I feel we can all agree that correct now, everybody could use two factors. 1st, additional toilet paper. Second, additional excellent news. That’s why Jack Ryan and A Tranquil Location star John Krasinski has taken it upon himself to start off a new demonstrate although social distancing, Some Good Information. Fuelled by submissions collected from his Twitter account working with the hashtag #SomeGoodNews, this present does exactly what the title implies, and shares some excellent news with every person looking at.

He’s bought the digicam modifications and enhancing down correctly. Look at out, late night.

Like any excellent information programming, John is not the only a person on Some Fantastic Information, he’s received a great guy in the field as the Amusement Correspondent — none other than his The Place of work co-star, Steve Carell.

Jointly, those two unpack some genuinely healthful matters likely on in the planet now, reminisce about their time alongside one another on The Business office, and try out actually, genuinely really hard not to split on camera.

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Has Kevin Managed To Win Randy Over?

Has Kevin Managed To Win Randy Over?

All devices are go for Frog and Toad are Pals, and Randy can eventually damage Kevin Bacon’s occupation for good. There’s just one particular tiny minor hiccup blocking them from commencing manufacturing.

They really don’t have a script.

Of course, for as prolonged as Kevin Bacon has been arranging this movie, he never ever imagined to write a script. So, the two of them come to a decision to do what any specialist movie author does to get the inventive juices flowing: head to Tom Hanks’ cabin for a secluded writer’s retreat.

Meanwhile, Kyra Sedgwick is Closer-ing in on the very last remaining copy of Footlong, the erotic Footloose parody starring Randy Beslow, which regretably is in the clutches of her sworn rival, Emily Deschanel.

Back again at Tom Hanks’ retreat, factors are likely perfectly… nearly much too perfectly. Randy and Kevin are not just getting together, they are… getting a genuinely terrific time? And they have so numerous things in common, like their mutual hatred of nevertheless drinking water?!? Randy arrived listed here to publish this script so he could ruin Kevin just before he kills him in chilly blood, but by spending time collectively and writing Frog and Toad are Close friends… they may possibly just turn into friends.

Will Randy be ready to hold firm to his approach? Or will he place his lifelong grudge apart and give in to the power of friendship?

The Final Diploma of Kevin Bacon is accessible now, only on Spotify. New episodes drop every single Monday.

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The Time Zack Morris Was A Domestic Abuser

The Time Zack Morris Was A Domestic Abuser

It is marry your classmate 7 days at Bayside. A factor each faculty does. Zack’s overjoyed about his academically arranged marriage to Kelly and plotting his imminent assault.

Jessie declares no female is a man’s home. Zack declares Kelly his assets.

Zack tells everybody he is aware of what sex is and options to have it with his phony faculty wife. Jessie does not want to sacrifice a career for relationship. Zack will make that sacrifice so Kelly can do the job whilst he does jack diddly.

Kelly asks what Zack values in a romantic relationship. Mouth things.

(Kelly Morris. I have died and long gone to heaven.) We must all be so lucky. Belding assigns a state of affairs in which Kelly staggers residence soon after a important motor vehicle incident. Zack’s response? (Who cares? Kiss me.) Belding requests, make sure you never whip it out in a classroom. So Zack explains Kelly’s thoughts to her, claims shut up, then proceeds with Operation: Whip It Out In A Classroom.

Belding assigns youngsters to the couples. (He’s not my son, must’ve bene a mixup at the healthcare facility.) Zack Morris can make Woody Allen glance like father of the year. Kelly, sort soul, embraces her youngster.

Zack’s scorned child is performing out, vandalizing university residence over his unrequited love for Lisa. Slater actions up to be the male Zack isn’t by increasing his son. Slater, who is now Lisa’s dad in this totally ordinary challenge, features to enable set up a day.

Zack takes advantage of far more course time to say he’s chubbed up then make a transfer on Kelly. When his son would like focus, Zack utilizes actual physical power and violent threats. Kelly attempts preserving Screech, but Zack continues his Domestic Abuse Jr. seminar. (Mommy Call 911!) Don’t quit there, the FBI and IRS ought to probably get a seem at him, way too. Zack delivers a disingenuous, “I love you,” that Screech sees correct through.

Fantastic information. Kelly’s pregnant! Zack’s revolted and turns his back on his growing household. Kelly does not want a guy who hates his kids. She walks out on Zack. Kelly, please, continue to keep walking. Zack, who just pushed Kelly away, just can’t figure out why she’s leaving.

Slater needs to aid Jessie’s vocation and is thrilled about getting small children. (Why? For the reason that I’m a good father.) How refreshing. Screech comes to get Lisa to the videos. But she’s not interested. Oh nicely! At minimum Slater tried.

Except Screech reveals Slater only available the date if Screech would do the neighborhood company of accelerating Zack and Kelly’s inevitable split.

Slater tells Belding he did it to continue to keep Kelly absent from Ted Blondey. But whilst Slater has the cognizance to mirror on what he could’ve performed otherwise, Zack farts out a worthless sorry.

Belding provides the gang a likelihood to complete their completely routine venture at the diner with the magic waiter who hardly ever met a wellbeing code he couldn’t make vanish. Slater arrives to the experienced summary that he and Jessie have fundamental variations that would stop a joyful marriage.

Zack backpedals on acquiring young ones to dupe Kelly. He pretends to miss their son. Then slams a lid on his deal with. He claims everything he thinks Kelly would like to listen to to lure her. Then after again tells the Principal he’s incredibly attractive.

Let us evaluation.

Zack Morris took a class undertaking as a blank look at for his carnal fantasies. And inspite of regularly stating he ONLY cares about his spouse for intercourse, was wholly uninterested in what sexual intercourse generates. When the baby he disavowed lashed out, very poor Slater picked up the slack then acquired in difficulty for seeking to help save a mother and her son from an abusive household. And although Slater learned to be truthful with yourself in a connection, Zack learned to lie his ass off. Not a new lesson for Zack Morris. Zack Morris is trash.

Verify out Amusing Or Die’s formal line of Zack Morris Is Trash merch here:

Test out Saved by the Bell on NBC: and formal Saved by the Bell merch:

Actor/ Author/ Editor Dashiell Driscoll

Intro Singer Jason Bouquets

Write-up Supervisor Cody Pereira

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Check Out What The Hosts Of Late Night Were Up To This Week

Check Out What The Hosts Of Late Night Were Up To This Week

Just simply because late night time hosts aren’t taping their regular programming from inside of a studio doesn’t indicate they’re all about to leave us significant and dry, no no.

Out of the goodness of their hearts (and probably a smidge of boredom) the hosts of late evening have began recording and uploading monologues from the confines of their respective houses.

Considering the fact that they are not in their regular work setting, they’ve all experienced to get artistic and do the ideal with what they’ve got. Which indicates Jimmy Kimmel’s son sings his opening theme, Jimmy Fallon retains up his personal emblem scribbled on a sheet of paper, and Stephen Colbert sits guiding a wall of bubbles in his bathtub in its place of driving a desk. So the output worth isn’t really the identical, but hey! It is Uncooked, it’s Genuine, it involves CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS, and you gotta respect that.

What is absolutely everyone been up to currently? Perfectly,

Stephen Colbert modified a bicycle tire

It was contact and go for a moment there but he got it finished.

Jimmy Kimmel performed Friends trivia with Courteney Cox

Can you imagine she, Monica herself, actually had to Acquire Close friends on Amazon Primary?

Jimmy Fallon hung out with John Legend

And his youngsters, extremely brutally, did not truly feel like laughing at his jokes.

Trevor Noah talked to the just one and only, Dr. Fauci

Okay so it is not technically “late night”, what ever, time is a assemble, shut up.

Seth Meyers gave us all an update on Trump’s madness from the convenience of his library

Very seriously, the dude has a library with a LADDER. Why are we not chatting about this??

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